Peace Out

I need a new perspective... I am slowly learning and realizing that, although I think I need alot of things, all I really need right now is Peace. I don't know that you ever fully grasp and hold on to peace, but I would like to at least try. I went on our church women's retreat this past weekend, and our speaker said she knows a woman who "wears peace like a garment." That took me by surprise because I cannot imagine that type of life. I am so busy struggling and striving and working and trying, which are not bad things, but I definitely don't know peace like that.

The retreat was so good. This was my first time on a retreat of any sort since college. I'm so glad I went. Not only did God give me a new perspective (that I'm still figuring out), but I really needed & enjoyed the girl time. There were 7 girls from my Sunday school class that went. We spent the night at the Omni Houston Hotel, which was so fancy. We got dessert late Friday night and sat around and laughed. Then me & my 3 roomies, Jeannine, Bethany & Amanda stayed up and talked even later in our room. I haven't done that in so long, and it was so much fun! It's funny to me how excited I get to hang out with other girls.

So I learned that peace is my new mission... I know Jesus is the Prince of Peace and I know He lives in me, but I don't completely understand why I don't experience His peace regularly.
Just tonight while I've been typing, Brian has discovered that there is a leak in our master shower, which has caused the carpet in our bedroom to get wet as well as the wall, baseboards, etc. His dad just came over to look at it, and sure enough, it's a big deal. We also need a new roof. Although Hurricane Ike took off lots of our shingles, our insurance decided it wasn't bad enough to replace it. They just sent us a very small check to repair the damage. All this on a house we really were hoping to not live in too much longer. Where is the peace in all this? I don't know yet, because I am really discouraged, but I'm sure God has a plan in all this. I feel like contentment is my biggest obstacle to peace right now.

Today was a holiday, and a much needed one. My plan was to clean the house and try to organize the monster that is our children's belongings (toys, shoes, clothes, books, stuffed animals). I started with the organizing, because I hate cleaning so I naturally put off until last. There is so much stuff and nowhere for it to go. I'm not a neat-freak, but I do like to have a place for things. I really can't handle excessive clutter for too long. I finally just sat down in their bedroom amongst the clutter and fought back tears, trying to figure out what to do. I think to myself, if we just had a bigger house, all my problems would be solved. Lack of contentment.

The girls are definitely a bright spot in life. They are sleeping in the same room now at night, and loving it! Tatum is talking up a storm, and is so expressive, it's hilarious. Avery is a sweet big sister and they are both such a blessing to me. I am so blessed to have a sweet husband who works his tail off for us and doesn't complain about it. A family that loves and supports us. Friends that keep me sane. A church that helps me grow and "feeds" my family. A job, that may not thrill me, but does give me an opportunity to die to myself daily and trust God completely. A God who loves me and gave Himself for me. I just want peace.