I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I'm going to anyway. Yesterday, Avery & I had a heart-to-heart and it wasn't because I was pleased with her. Her attitude lately has stunk. So we prayed and cried and then this came out:
Me: Avery, if you ever need to talk to me about anything going on in your life, I am always here to listen. If you are having a hard time at school or your friends aren't being nice or you feel sad or afraid about anything, you can always talk to me.
Avery: (in tears) Well, Mama, it would be really good if you could be at school with me
Me: Why do you want me at school with you? I think I might just get in Mrs. Williamson's way.
Avery: Well, if you were at school with me, you could help me with my lunch.
Me: (mind spinning and face turning pinkish-red) Why do you need me at lunch?
Avery: Because I don't know how to open everything and the other kids laugh at me.
Oh the pain in my heart. I had unknowingly crippled my oldest child by doing too much for her. I always set her meals out for her, ready to eat. I do agree with the concept that an almost-5 year old should be able to open their foods & feed themselves. I just didn't know she couldn't do it.
Okay, so at that point, I felt both horrible and thankful at the same time. Horrible, because I had failed to teach my child how to open an applesauce or ziploc bag. Turns out her biggest problem was unzipping the actual lunch bag itself - she said the zipper always got stuck and she couldn't get the food out!! I'm sure her teacher eventually noticed and helped her, but the fact that it made her feel insecure, makes me so sad.
And I also felt thankful because I realized this little problem could be so easily solved. So we sat down right then and had a practice lunch. I put a juice box, water bottle, applesauce, and ziploc bag in her lunch bag and zipped it up. We sat at the table and we pretended like it was really lunch time at school. So she proceded to go through each obstacle and we identified the problem & solution for each item. Zipper on lunch bag - unzip slowly so it won't get stuck. Water bottle - Mama needs to break the lid's seal before I put it in her lunch... she can unscrew it herself if the seal is already snapped, she just can't twist hard enough to break the seal. Juice box - she did pretty good. Applesauce - she had to use her teeth to pull the little flap to get it to seperate from the applesauce cup. We need to practice that one more, so she can do it with her hand. Ziploc bag - dig thumbs into the center and pull hard. She got it.
You would have to know Avery to understand this... she is a very laid-back, nurturing, caring, meticulous, perfectionist child. Tatum is the opposite, I'm pretty sure Tatum could open everything in that lunch box at the age of 2 without any trouble because she would attack it and her whole body would shake with the effort she would put into it, but she would get it done. That is not Avery. If it was up to Avery, she would have me dress her every morning, brush her teeth for her, cut her food and feed bites to her every meal, strap her seat belt on every ride and carry her around the house like she was my baby. Tatum, on the other hand, gets mad at me if I try to do anything for her... she would rather wear all her clothes backwards and her shoes on the wrong feet than to have me help her. This is why I think every family should have at least two children - because when you see how incredibly different two children from the same two parents can be, I think you have a little more sympathy and understanding for other mothers' plights with their children. Night and day, I tell you. Night and day.
4 comments:
As a firstborn, I can totally relate to sweet Avery. I know that I'm guilty of doing too much for Jackson too. I think it's just hard for moms to know when kids are supposed to be able to do things the first time around. I for one am relieved to hear you bring this up. So thanks!
awh....the joys of having more than one child. I'm glad to hear Amanda say that about being the firstborn because that way my excuse for Parker. I would still be wiping his rear at 7 1/2 if I didn't make him do it himself. I think it's great you gals figured this out so quickly and little Avery has grown in her confidence. I on the other hand probably make my kids do too much as I'm sure there is a balance somewhere. I told Brett today, "I want to serve you but I also need you to learn to be responsible!" Blessings to you, dear friend!
Sweet girl. Thanks for posting this. Miss you!
Of course the title had me wondering what you would be writing about. This was absolutely precious. I think I do that too. Because the girls are capable of much, I forget about the little things I might have not yet taught them. I love that you had a practice lunch opening! So sweet
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