Life

We went in for Laney's 15 month checkup today. I can't believe how fast her baby years flew by. She is officially a toddler and I can't believe I don't have a baby anymore. It seems like just yesterday I was taking her in for our Doc to look into whether she had galactosemia. She has done alot of growing the past few months. She is 33 inches long (97th percentile) and 25 pounds (75th percentile), so she is a big ole girl, just like her sissies.

Avery found this snail today and named her "Emily."

It really was a cute snail, and I'm not that into bugs.

Here's Avery and Emily

The past couple weeks have been unexpected and a little bit tough. This time of year is always interesting when you are both teachers because it's time to plan for next school year and sign contracts and take on more or less responsibility, etc. It's the time of year when summer is just over the horizon and oh so dreamy, yet you still have 6 of the most boring & difficult weeks of the school year ahead of you (i.e. TAKS testing).

Kathleen, my partner that I job-share with (I teach mornings, she teaches afternoons) - well, her husband got laid off a couple weeks ago. She was devastated and it was a really tough few days for her. Our plan had been to continue job-sharing next year with the same schedule we have now, well, that changed everything. She had to make the tough decision to go back to work full-time next year. I completely understand and support her, she has been a wonderful co-worker and friend over the past 4 years we've done this. But, now I am left without a partner and therefore without a job. I am not ready to go back to work full-time yet. So, with my principal's permission, I emailed the entire staff of 280 people to see if anyone might be interested in job-sharing with me next year. A few people emailed me back with curiousity questions, but no one was really interested. I understand, of course, teachers don't make a huge salary already, so if you cut that in half, it's not that appealing. But it has been such a great blessing to me and to our family, that I thought maybe God would use it to bless another mom & family in my school too.

So I guess I'm now realizing that I am probably going to resign at the end of this school year. I've been at CS for 6 years... 2 as a full-time teacher & coach, and the last 4 as a half-day teacher. I will miss my FCA kids so much I am fighting back tears. I will miss my students so much, even the little punks God puts in my classes each year that have taught me humility, patience, humor and grace. I will miss my teacher friends who have helped me, congratulated me on all 3 of my pregnancies and celebrated the births of my 3 girls with me, covered for me, mentored me, entertained me, understood me, respected me and made me enjoy coming to work each day, if only because I knew they were going through the exact same things I was.

Teaching, as a profession, is an intense job. It's not easy, you don't get any props for it, not alot of tangible perks, no one notices when you go above & beyond what you get paid for, when you take the time to listen to a kid who's mama tells her each morning she's stupid, or the senior who gives you major attitude only to find out her best friend just died last week from a drive-by shooting, or the skinny wanna-be athlete whose insecurities come out in the way he talks to you, or the know-it-all who finally gives you respect after you've taken the time to respect him, or the large-and-in-charge girl who just needed to be told it's okay to be optimistic and say positive things.

Or the teen mom who came into my room this morning so excited to tell me the news - that's she's 3 months along with her 2nd baby. What do I say to that? And that was right after I got done praying over my 4 FCA kids that come to my room Thursdays before school for Bible study. They were literally walking out the door when she came in bursting with her news. The contrast is overwhelming. Four students who love Jesus and are trying to stand strong in this twisted & dirty place, and another student who is completely lost in her thinking. I told her I'd be praying for her and she smiled and waved me off.

Anyway, lots of thoughts on this possibly being the end of my teaching career for a while. Not sure what I'll do next year. I do need to make some income, and I believe God knows and will provide a way to meet our needs, just like He always has. I'll miss teaching if that's not what He has for me next year. It's funny... and sad... how I spent the past several years of my life trying to get out of teaching and working in general, with the thought that surely God wanted me to stay home and so surely it was His will to get me out of teaching. However, over the past year, God has changed my thinking completely. By His grace, He provided me with a way to be my husband's helper, and in a way that impacted our children very little. They might miss me in the mornings, but they LOVE their grandma and she teaches them things during the mornings that I might not have the wisdom to teach them. The relationships God has built within our family because of our co-dependence on each other has been a huge blessing. I only see good coming from it now, whereas before, all I saw was the bad.

All that to say, now that I have been content "dwelling in the land" where God has put me, it seems like He has other plans for me now. I am glad I don't understand His ways. I like that He doesn't fit in any box. I like that once you think you know something, He brings the exact opposite into your life to see what will become of your faith. I love His grace. It is amazing.