Heartbroken

This has been a hard week. First, I am so thankful to report that my dad is doing very well. He did have part of his colon removed last week, but he is recovering right on schedule and is already working again from home.

Also, we made it through final exams and the last day of school. It hasn't really hit me yet that it's over and I'm done for 2.5 months. But I'm sure once I get closer to dealing with this hard week, my joy will spill all over the place!

Also, Brian & I celebrated NINE years of marriage on June 2. Nine sounds like alot, but it has gone by so fast. Just think, in nine more years... I will be 40 (yikes!), and our girls will be 14, 12 and 10 (super yikes!). I am grateful more and more that God knew what He was doing when He paired us up. I love spending my life by his side.

My heart is broken for my friend & fellow history teacher, Cody, whose 3-year old son Jacob, passed away last Sunday. He and his wife, Joanna, who also works at my school, were at a backyard pool party with alot of parents and kids around, and Jacob went under. It was only for a minute. They got him out and several guys did CPR on him, but he didn't survive. When I heard the news, I felt like someone kicked me in the stomach. I don't remember the last time I've felt so deeply sad, to the point that I haven't slept from my thoughts of what they are going through.

We spent Memorial Day in my in-laws backyard pool, and we had several "scares" where one of the girls put their face in the water for a second and got shaken up. I have been having trouble even letting my mind imagine how it would have been if it had been one of my kids that drowned. I imagined Cody & Joanna going home and putting Luke to bed, but not getting to put their baby Jacob in his bed. And I imagine his little shoes and toys laying on the floor, and his dad & mom realizing that he will never use them again. And all the hopes and dreams you have for your kids' futures, all gone. And the pain of knowing that you were right there when it happened. I know they would give anything to have that one minute of time to do over again.

I went to the Rosary last night. I had never been to a Rosary and I've only ever been to a Catholic Mass once in my life. I hope this doesn't offend anyone who is Catholic, but the service to me did not offer much comfort or hope. There were literally at least 100 Hail Mary's said and alot of repitition of rehearsed readings and prayers. It was very respectful and loving, but I just wished the priest would have said something from his heart rather than read words from a paper.

They had an open casket. Jacob was one of the most beautiful little blue-eyed, buzzed blonde haired little boys God ever created. He was so precious, with his cute little fingers holding a rosary. My sobbing was out of control. So was everyone else's. I hugged Cody & Joanna and held their hands. Cody said he got my email I had sent to him to tell him I was praying for him. I walked back to my seat and sobbed. I rode there with three of my teacher friends and we all sat together. Everyone grieves in their own way. Two of my friends are Catholic so they held onto their rosaries and rubbed them. I opened up my Bible to try to follow along with the readings the priest was saying, but he never gave any Scripture references, so I couldn't really follow along in my Bible. I kept watching the back of Cody & Joanna's heads. I kept praying the Lord will keep their marriage strong. And that they will forgive each other and themselves. And that they will let Jesus heal them and reach out for help, not shut themselves in.

God did answer my prayers that I could speak to my three friends about the Lord while on our two hour journey to the Rosary and back. One of them, my closest friend at school, is someone I look up to in many ways and I have prayed for her for 6 years. She is such a good person, but she doesn't think she's good enough to have eternal security. She is Catholic and believes it's her good works on earth that will get her into Heaven. We stopped at a Dairy Queen in Flatonia and had a good talk. I don't know that it changed any of thier lives, but I felt the Lord giving me the words to say and I felt like they listened. It is His job to open the eyes of their hearts to hear what He wants to tell them. And I am praying that He is doing just that.

So my grieving this week has been in stages. First, shock. Gut-wrenching sobbing and lots of questioning God. I still wake up every morning and it's first thing that comes to my mind. Cody's boy is gone. How on earth are Cody & Joanna going to make it through this? Now I'm to the point that I am still a little confused and disappointed that God chose not to intervene on this one, which I know He could have so easily done, but I also realize how small I am and how big His ways are. I'm glad I just read The Shack recently because it's allowed me to view this tragedy from the perspective of Mack. Who are we to judge God? This world is not our home anyway. I don't have much else to say about it. Please just pray for this family. Cody, Joanna & Luke (he is seven).

Also, please please spread the word how quickly a child can drown. Cody & Joanna are wonderful, attentive parents. They are not irresponsible or lazy. They were in the pool with the boys, but just looked somewhere else for literally ONE minute. I know I am taking our swimming outings alot more seriously and carefully from now on. And one more word from the pulpit then I'll get down... Your kids will be okay if they don't play on a t-ball team or dance ballet, but they CANNOT survive without knowing how to swim. Pay whatever price you have to for swim lessons. That is one extracurricular activity they cannot live without!!!