Tuesday, May 20, 2008

psalm 121

funny how sometimes when it rains, it pours. i mean, i have it really good compared to most people on this planet, but sometimes it is a daily struggle just to get up out of bed and focus on the tasks of the day, when your mind is so otherwise engaged. this past week a friend from work, a coach who is about my age, went in to get her appendix out. the doctors saw some dark spots on it and sure enough, she has cancer. she got two feet of her colon removed last week and will probably be starting chemo soon. another close friend just suffered her second miscarriage.
i just started doing beth moore's "psalms of ascent" study and she suggests during this study taking the time each day to literally get on your face before God. it doesn't have to be long, just long enough to confess that He is God and I need Him. I have been doing that for the past couple weeks now and i can't say that i feel any different or that I've experienced any miraculous signs, but i do know that telling Him that each day makes me realize that it's the truth.
anyway, my dad has always liked psalm 121, which is the 2nd psalm of ascent. it starts with "I lift up my eyes to the mountains, where does my help come from? my help comes from the Lord, Maker of heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip..." i have reminded myself of this psalm over and over the past couple weeks, and shared it with my friend.

so brian and i still haven't figured out what we're doing next year. there is so much uncertainty in our lives right now it is almost funny. i have never been one to hate my job or hate working, in fact i have always liked "work." but somehow i just don't feel the least bit of excitement about signing my contract. i am praying that God will either open another door for me or give me peace about continuing on where I'm at. i believe He will, i just hope He remembers my contract is due next tuesday. :)

okay i'm almost 30 and i'm a little worried about something... is there ever a time in your life when you just sit back and enjoy life? because i love my husband & girls and we have a good life, but sometimes i just wonder when is life going to start? when are we going to just soak it all in? i'm afraid that i'm going to keep this pace and i will look back one day when i'm 60 and realize that i never really lived. does that make sense? how do you change it? i know you're supposed to "slow down", but i don't know how. sorry this is not the most inspiring post, but it helps to get it all out.

4 comments:

nikki said...

Sounds like you have a lot to keep your mind busy these days...It's so hard to know what the next step in life should be sometimes, or even if it really matters. It feels like Martin and I have been there for years now. I wonder sometimes if we'll ever have clear direction on anything!

I need to do more to recognize God. thanks for the reminder.

cristina said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
cristina said...

this blogging stuff is therapeutic, huh?

i'll be praying for wisdom and direction for you.

as for the pace of life and really living--easy to say but hard to do: brutally cut the stuff that is NOT ESSENTIAL. edit away all that stuff that steals the joy and resist the "but everyone else is doing it" argument. the things your family needs have to be decided by you--not the "everyone else" out there.

life HAS started. resolve today to not miss any more. baby steps, baby steps, my friend.

Jennifer Kindle said...

I agree with Cristina....you're living life now so take full advantage of every opportunity you have to read with the girls, blow bubbles and all that stuff that I tend to say, "hang on a minute" to. They'll be gone before you know it then you'll get 60 and look back and realize you wish you would've realized you were living the life....you're one of the most awesome people I know I just think you have so much going on right now that it's overshadowing your view....thanks too like Nikki said about the reminder to recognize God on a daily basis. On some days He knows that's all we have to offer and that's all he expects from us on days like that!!!